Violence Network would like to invite men and boys to become involved
in our collective effort to stop domestic violence, sexual violence, dating
violence, and family violence. We welcome all men and boys that
take a personal pledge never to commit, condone nor remain silent about
intimate partner violence. Please note that this section is under
construction and will continue to change and grow; please check back on
a regular basis. You will find training information, articles, ways
to become involved, and useful web site links on this page.
Makes A Good Male Ally?
During the Men’s
Pre-workshop at the 2002 This Far By Faith conference, women
participants were asked to describe one thing that would make a “good
male ally” against domestic violence. The male participants appreciated
this opportunity to listen to women and practice not interrupting. Below
are the responses to this question.
is a good ally when:
- He is able to take direction
and leadership in domestic violence work from women.
- He understands that women’s
need to be empowered is to a threat to his strength as a man, but rather
an additional strength.
- He listens to women and
has a willingness to “call out” other men on their issues.
- He does not try to confine
the women he the women he is supporting or define the problems that
they share with him.
- He is willing to take a
stand on the issue of domestic violence by being vocal about it.
- He changes his perception,
so that he knows that women who remain in relationships with batterers
are not stupid.
- He helps other men in positions
of authority to realize that when children of single mothers have behavioral
problems, it doesn’t mean that they “need a man in the house.”
This type of thinking is often encountered in male schools principals,
and it pressures women and children to stay in abusive situations.
- He models behavior for
his friends and other men by letting others see his example.
- He works to help unburden
other men of the misconception that women who speak honestly about male
violence are “attacking men.”
- He is willing to hear women’s
reality “full out”, because he realizes that there are aspects
of this reality that he will not know about.
- He is not struggling with
his own manhood, and does not need to prove that he’s a man.
- He is a non-judgmental
partner; which implies equality and respect.
- He understands that women
know that all men are not batterers.
- He is developing groups
where men can rally against domestic violence actively and publicly
- He doesn’t assume
that another man can’t be a batterer because of his high position
in a church, government, organization, etc.
- He has done his personal
work to become aware of his own issues relating to the issue of domestic
- He listens, but doesn’t
try to “fix” the problem by himself.
2002 by the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence.
Reprinted from NYS OPDV Bulletin Volume 14, Number 2, Page 12, Fall 2002
with permission of the Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute, Spring
2002, Volume 2, Issue 1. Reprinted here with permission of the Faith Trust
a printable version of "What Makes A Good Male Ally?" Click
Things Men Can Do To End Men's Violence Against Women
- Acknowledge and
understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation
for all forms of violence against women.
- Examine and challenge
our individual sexism and the role that we play in supporting men who
- Recognize and
stop colluding with other men by getting out of our socially defined
roles, and take a stance to end violence against women.
- Remember that
our silence is affirming. When we choose not to speak out against men’s
violence, we are supporting it.
- Educate and re-educate
our sons and other young men about our responsibility in ending men’s
violence against women.
- "Break out
of the man box"- Challenge traditional images of manhood that stop
us from actively taking a stand to end violence against women.
- Accept and own
our responsibility that violence against women will not end until men
become part of the solution to end it. We must take an active role in
creating a cultural and social shift that no longer tolerates violence
- Stop supporting
the notion that men’s violence against women is due to mental
illness, lack of anger management skills, chemical dependency, stress,
etc… Violence against women is rooted in the historic oppression
of women and the outgrowth of the socialization of men.
- Take responsibility
for creating appropriate and effective ways to develop systems to educate
and hold men accountable.
- Create systems
of accountability to women in your community. Violence against women
will end only when we take direction from those who understand it most,
To Download a printable
version of "10 Thinks Men Can Do To End Men's Violence Against Women"
To Web Sites for Engaging Men & Boys